Angel's Craft
Children are funny… #31 - 40
[31]
A
little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The
teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human
because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The
little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated,
the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was
physically impossible.
The
little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The
teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The
little girl replied, "Then you can ask him."
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[32]
A
Child's Prayer overheard..."Our father, who does art in heaven, Howard is
his name....".
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[33]
A
little boy walked to and from school daily. On one particular morning, the
weather was questionable as clouds were forming and the sky was gray, but the
little boy made his daily trek to the elementary school anyway.
As
the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up and the thunder and lightning
began to roll. The mother of the little boy was concerned that her son would be
frightened as he walked home from school and feared that the electrical storm might
harm her child. Following a roar of thunder, lightning would cut through the
sky like a flaming sword! Worried, the mother got into her car and drove along
the route to her child's school.
Upon
finding her son, she noticed her little boy was walking along just fine, but at
each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up and smile. More
lightning followed and with each one the little boy would look at the streak of
light and smile.
The
mother approached him in her car, lowered the window and asked him, "What
are you doing?"
The
child answered, "I am trying to look nice, God keeps taking my
picture."
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[34]
One
summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy
into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in
his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
His
mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she
said. "I have to sleep in daddy's room."
A
long silence was broken at last by his little voice. "The big sissy."
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[35]
A
1/1/2 yr old toddler was being toilet trained and each time he went to sit on
the toilet he would take off all his clothes to sit down. His mother would pick up all his clothes to
put them back on him when he was done.
She was also training him not to put paper in the toilet as they were on
a septic system.
One
time after he had flung off his clothes and the mother began to wipe his bum
she thought that maybe it was time to teach him to do the job so she stopped
wiping and giving him a fresh piece of paper, told him to finish doing it.
She
then turned around to pick his clothes up and when she looked back he was
standing up all finished. As she began
to redress him she looked in the garbage but didn't see his toilet paper so she
looked in the toilet expecting to see it even though she had been training him
not to put it there but she didn't see it there either. She looked around on the floor figuring he had
missed the toilet but still didn't see it, nor was it in his hands.
Looking
at her child with puzzlement she asked him where the toilet paper was?
The
little boy said, "It's wiping!"
She
turned him around and saw nothing but when she pried apart his young cheeks
there it was wadded and crammed into the area where it was expected to do its
job.
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[36]
The
day care teacher holds up a picture and asks, What's this?"
"A
horsey," one child answers.
"And
this?" the teacher asks.
"A
piggy," replies another youngster.
"And
now this one?" asks the teacher, holding up a picture of a male deer with
a beautiful rack of antlers.
There
was no answer, only total silence. "Come now, children," she coaxes,
"I'll give you a little hint. What does your Mommy call your Daddy when he
hugs and kisses her a lot?"
"I
know! I know!!" exclaims one little girl.
"It's
an old horny toad!"
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[37]
One
day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to
her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to
accumulate the building materials for his home.
She
read, "...and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of
straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my
house?'"
The
teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man
said?"
One
little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said... 'Holy shit! A talking pig!'"
The
teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 MINUTES.
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[38]
Like
many young couples, we had put off making a will. When we finally consulted a lawyer, he advised us to decide,
among other matters, who would get our children.
The
night before our appointment, we brought up the topic at the dinner table. Following a general discussion of the will,
we asked the children where they would like to go if something happened to Mom
and Dad.
Without
hesitation, our seven year old son shouted, "Disney Land!"
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[39]
"Susan"
said the teacher, "I would like you to come up to the map and point out
Australia to me."
"Ok"
said Susan as she got up and went to the map and pointed to the island.
"Very
good. Now, Brian, tell us who
discovered Australia."
The
boy replied, "Susan did."
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[40]
When
my 5 year old son became ill with a sore throat I took him to the
pediatrician. I was quite impressed
with the way she handled him and how she directed most of her comments and
questions to him.
She
asked him if there was anything that he was allergic to and my son said yes and
whispered something into her ear.
Smiling,
the pediatrician wrote out a prescription and handed it to me. Without looking at it I placed it in my
pocket and proceeded to leave.
When
the pharmacist filled the order he remarked on the unusual food and drug
interaction my son must have. When he
saw my puzzled expression he showed me the label on the bottle of medicine.
As
per the doctor's instructions, it read, "Not to be taken with
broccoli."
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