Angel's Craft

DIETER’S COMMENTS

 

It is well documented that for every minute that you exercise, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.

 

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the heck she is.

 

When I sneeze I get to see what water ripples in a pond look like as I watch my belly shake.

 

The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

 

Fat people really are jolly; just ask Santa Claus, Buddha and the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man.

 

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.

 

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

 

I love to watch what I eat, handful by handful.

 

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by other people.

 

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

 

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

 

Watching my weight is great as I watch it climb up ~ pound, by pound, by pound.

 

'More of me to love' means you get to try to put your arms around me and hope that you can.

 

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

 

I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

 

Whoever created diets should be dragged into the street and shot.

 

I don't have a problem with eating but I do have a problem with sharing what I eat.

 

Now I know what they mean by restrained diets ~ you know ~ you restrain me so I can diet.

 

Ohhh to be able to get back to my old weight, you know, what I weighed when I was 9 months pregnant.

 

Whenever I start to eat, I just think of all those out there who have nothing to eat and this encourages me to eat more while I can.

 

I am trying to watch my weight but first I have to get it out in front of me where I can see it.

 

To eat? Or not to eat? Now that’s not even a question.

 

What is a diet?
   Don’t eat
   Irritation
   Exercise
   Tasteless food

 

ANTI-STRESS DIET

BUMPER STICKERS

ENGLISH PROBLEMS

GETTING EVEN WITH JUNK MAILERS

HARMLESS GREEN SNAKES

HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY

INTERESTING COINCIDENCE?

LESS COMMONLY KNOWN PHOBIAS

MARTHA STEWART VS. REALITY

MOVE ASIDE

ONE FOR YOU AND ONE FOR ME

PREPARE FOR SKI SEASON

RESPONSES TO TELEMARKETERS

THE OLD MAN IN THE WOODS

THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR

THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU DIDN'T KNOW

THINGS YOU WOULDN'T KNOW WITHOUT THE MOVIES

TOTALLY SOBER

VOICEMAIL

WATER OR COKE?

WAYS TO COPE WITH STRESS

 

HUMOUR SECTION

ANGEL’S CRAFT

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