Angel's Craft

Angel's Craft

RESPONSES TO TELEMARKETERS

If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some.

If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "

If they say they're ‘John Doe’ from ‘XYZ Company’, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is ‘Judy’ I'm with ‘XYZ Company’. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

Cry out in surprise after you hear their name, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give ‘Judy’ a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

If MCI / Sprint / Bell Canada calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, etc., reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't sell to employees.

Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.

Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?"

1) The Telemarketer agrees then you say, "Me either!" and hang up.

2) If the Telemarketer begins to say that it’s different tell them “No it isn’t.” and hang up.

Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

Insist that the caller is really your buddy ‘Leon’, playing a joke. "Come on, ‘Leon’, cut it out! Seriously, ‘Leon’, how's your momma?"

Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up .. louder .. louder ...

Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.

Keep a whistle near the phone and as soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer ~ blow it.

If you have a fax machine, try and send a fax while they are on the line or keep hitting preprogrammed buttons with other people’s phone numbers so that all they hear either way is a lot of noise. You can say that your machine is malfunctioning, or the cat walked on the keyboard, or the small child you are holding did it, or your elbow hit the buttons, etc.

Breathe heavily into the phone and tell them you have asthma, meanwhile try to speed your breathing up as they continue.

Courtesy of Joelle

ANTI-STRESS DIET

BUMPER STICKERS

DIETER'S COMMENTS

ENGLISH PROBLEMS

GETTING EVEN WITH JUNK MAILERS

HARMLESS GREEN SNAKES

HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY

INTERESTING COINCIDENCE?

LESS COMMONLY KNOWN PHOBIAS

MARTHA STEWART VS. REALITY