Angel's Craft
THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR
Say
loudly: "I sure hope they fixed it this time."
Crack
open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask: "Got enough
air in there?"
Blow
your nose and offer to show the contents of your tissue to other passengers.
Make
racecar noises when anyone gets on or off.
Whistle
the first seven notes of 'It's a Small World' incessantly.
Sell
Girl Scout cookies.
On
a long ride, crash from side to side as if you're on rough seas.
Shave.
(Especially if you're a woman.)
Grimace
painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, dammit,
all of you just shut UP!"
Offer
name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
Stand
silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
When
arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act all
embarrassed when they open by themselves.
Lean
over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
Greet
everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call
you, "Admiral".
On
the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you
hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
One
word: Flatulence!
Leave
a box between the doors.
Stare,
grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I've got
new socks on!"
When
at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back, "Oh, not now. Damn
motion sickness!"
Give
religious literature to each passenger.
Do
Tai Chi exercises.
Bet
the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
Frown
and mutter "Gotta go, gotta go," then sigh and say, "oops!"
Show
other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
Sing,
"Mary Had a Little Lamb," while continually pushing buttons.
Holler,
"Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
Walk
on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
Stare
at another passenger for a while, then announce, "You're one of
THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
Ask
each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
Meow
occasionally.
Burp,
and then say "Mmmm...tasty!"
Lean
against the button panel.
Start
a sing-along.
When
the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
Play
the harmonica.
Carry
a duffel bag onto an elevator, wait until it's full, then ask if anyone knows
how to disarm a bomb in less than 19 seconds.
Shadow
box.
Draw
a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers
that this is your "personal space".
Wear
a puppet on your hand and make it talk to the other passengers.
Say,
"I wonder what all these do," and push the red buttons.
Listen
to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
Say,
"Ding!" at each floor.
Bring
a chair along.
Take
a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh
mouf?"
Blow
spit bubbles.
Pull
your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
Announce
in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
Carry
a blanket and clutch it protectively.
If
anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler, "Bad touch!"
Wear
"X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
Stare
at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting larger."
Make
explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
Courtesy
of Joelle
GETTING EVEN WITH JUNK MAILERS
HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY
THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU DIDN'T KNOW
THINGS YOU WOULDN'T KNOW WITHOUT THE MOVIES
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