Angel's Craft

Angel's Craft

VOICEMAIL

Most of us have now learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of our lives. Here on this page are a few funny ones used by either myself or people that I know.

#1 one is courtesy of Odette, #2 & #3 are mine and #4 is my dad’s.

(1)

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the following (with heavenly music playing in the background):

Thank you for calling heaven.

For English press 1

For Spanish press 2

For all other languages, press 3

Please select one of the following options:

Press 1 for request

Press 2 for thanksgiving

Press 3 for complaints

Press 4 for all others

I am sorry, all our Angels and Saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line. If you would like to speak to:

God, press 1

Jesus press 2

Holy Spirit, press 3

To find a loved one that has been assigned to heaven press 5, then enter his social security # followed by the pound sign. (If you receive a negative response, please hang up and dial area code 666)

For reservations to heaven, please enter JOHN followed by the numbers, 316.

For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, life and other planets, please wait until you arrive in heaven for the specifics. Our computers show that you have already been prayed for today, please hang up and call again tomorrow.

The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday.

If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local pastor.

Thank you and have a heavenly day.

(2)

In the background of this one you can hear the sounds affects of a haunted house and witches cackling, etc.

“Hello

You've reached the Haunted Mansion, home of serial killers and wicked witches amongst other dark denizens of the night. How may we take your breath away? Which cemetery plot are you trying to reach? Please leave us a detailed message along with instructions to your house.

Mua haaa haaa haaaa”

(3)

In the background of this one you can hear the tune of “Jingle Bells”.

“Hello

You’ve reached the Santa Nelsons. Santa and the elves are busy wrapping gifts right now ~ and Rudolph's teaching the reindeer how to fly. So please, leave your Merry Message after the Christmas beep and the Santa Nelson you want will return your call when available.

Merry Christmas.”

(4)

“Hello

City Morgue.

You stab ‘em - we slab ‘em!

Head moron speaking.”

ANTI-STRESS DIET

BUMPER STICKERS

DIETER'S COMMENTS

ENGLISH PROBLEMS

GETTING EVEN WITH JUNK MAILERS

HARMLESS GREEN SNAKES