COMPUTER NUTS
Customer to tech support: "Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?"
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There was this guy who worked with a help desk for a big broadcasting company. One day, this lady called in because she didn't know why her computer wouldn't come on.
He then asked her, "Did you plug it in?"
She says "Yes."
He then asked her, "Did you turn in on?"
She said "Yes. What do you think I am? Some kind of idiot?"
So, he goes and takes a look at her computer.
She says, "See? I plugged the computer into the surge protector."
The guy says, "Yea, but you plugged the surge protector into itself."
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It's wise to remember how easily email -- this wonderful technology -- can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.
Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow- filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.
Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.
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The world's first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden flight without pilots or crew. The plane taxied to the loading area automatically, its doors opened automatically, the steps came out automatically. The passengers boarded the plane and took their seats.
The steps retreated automatically, the doors closed, and the airplane taxied toward the runway.
"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen," a voice intoned. "Welcome to the debut of the world's first fully computerized airliner. Everything on this aircraft is run electronically. Just sit back and relax. Nothing can go wrong... Nothing can go wrong... Nothing can go wrong..."
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A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her computer floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When someone finally inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they had asked her for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy".
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Tech Support: "OK Sam, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Sam."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: " 'P' on your keyboard, Sam."
Customer: "What! I'm not going to do that!"
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A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said 'WHERE AM I?' in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said 'YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.'
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
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