YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING ‘MATURE’ WHEN...
You and your teeth don't sleep together.
At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.
Your back goes out but you stay home.
When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.
It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
When happy hour is a nap.
When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.
When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.
When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.
Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
You and your eyes and ears don't sleep together.
Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot.
The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.
The twinkle in their eye is merely the sun reflecting off of your head.
It takes twice as long - to look half as good.
You can't remember what it was that made you laugh but it sure was funny at the time.
Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work.
You look for your eyeglasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.
You sink your teeth into a steak - and they stay there.
You give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.
You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care anymore.
You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.
You feel like a cross between the bionic man and an alien impersonating a human because some of your parts come separate - your ears, your eyes and your teeth.
You know you had something on your mind - you just can't remember what it was.
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