JOKES ~ Battle of the Sexes #31 - 40
[31]
"Charlie, I just won the lottery! Pack your bags!"
"That's great, honey! Should I pack for the beach, the mountains, or what?"
"Who cares? Just get out."
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[32]
Dave works hard at the plant, puts in a lot of overtime, and then spends most evenings bowling, playing basketball or working out at the gym. His wife, Mary, thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so, for his birthday, she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave, how ya doing?"
Mary is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He works out at the gym with me."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Budweiser. Mary is now becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser."
"No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them."
A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. "Hi Davey," she says, "want your usual table dance?"
Mary, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots his wife getting into a cab. Before Mary can slam the door, Dave jumps in beside her. Right away she starts screaming at him.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real witch tonight, Dave."
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[33]
“Don't bug me!” she yelled at him, “I am running out of patience!”
“Go to the hospital,” he said, “they have lots of patients there.”
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[34]
A man said to his wife, "You know, I feel ten years younger after I shave in the morning."
"Did you ever think of shaving before going to bed?" she responded.
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[35]
Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
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[36]
What must a woman do when a man is running around in circles?
Reload and carry on shooting.
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[37]
My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight."
He was right.
When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
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[38]
What takes longer to make - a snowman or snowwoman?
The snowman, because you have to hollow out the head first.
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[39]
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today." Jack said as he stepped out of the shower.
"Honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
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[40]
What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A rumour.
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