Jokes to Tickle Your Funny Bone #21 - 30
[21]
"It's just a cold," the doctor said. "There is no cure, and you'll just have to live with it until it goes away."
"But Doctor," the patient whined, "it's making me so miserable."
The doctor rolled his eyes toward the ceiling. Then he said, "Look, go home and take a hot bath. Then put a bathing suit on and run around the block three or four times."
"What!" the patient exclaimed. "I'll get pneumonia!"
"We have a cure for pneumonia," the doctor said.
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[22]
A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of wine. He took a sip of the wine, then tossed the remainder into the bartender's face. Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the man began weeping. "I'm really sorry. I keep doing that to bartenders. I can't tell you how embarrassing it is to have a compulsion like this.
"Far from being angry, the bartender was sympathetic. Before long, he was suggesting that the man see a psychoanalyst about his problem. "I happen to have the name of a psychoanalyst," the bartender said. "My brother and my wife have both been treated by him, and they say he's as good as they come." The man wrote down the name of the doctor, thanked the bartender, and left.
The bartender smiled, knowing he'd done a good deed for a fellow human being.
Six months later, the man was back. "Did you do what I suggested?" the bartender asked, serving the glass of white wine. "I certainly did," the man said. I've been seeing the psychoanalyst twice a week."
He took a sip of the wine. He then threw the remainder into the bartender's face.
The flustered bartender wiped his face with a towel. "The doctor doesn't seem to be doing you any good," he spluttered.
"On the contrary," the man replied. "He's done me a world of good."
"But you just threw the wine in my face again!" the bartender exclaimed.
"Yes," the man said. "But it doesn't embarrass me anymore!"
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[23]
An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending so much time at the pub, so one night he took her along.
"What'll ya have?" he asked.
"Oh, I don't know. The same as you, I suppose," she replied.
So the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one gulp.
His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spit it out. "Yuck, that's nasty poison!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!"
"Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"
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[24]
An airhead goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. "So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?"
The airhead counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying. "Um ... 22."
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?"
The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, "Five foot two!"
This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the she won't have to count, measure, or lookup. "Just to confirm for our records, your name please?"
The airhead bobs her head from side to side for about fifteen seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying, "Jenny!"
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, "What were you doing when I asked you your name?"
"Oh, that!" replies the airhead," I was just running through that song, 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear...'"
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[25]
While cruising at thirty thousand feet, the airplane shuddered. A passenger looked out the window. "Good lord!" he screamed. "One of the engines just blew up!"
Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side.
The passengers were in a panic now, and even the flight attendants couldn't maintain order. Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about.
His words and his demeanor seemed to make most of the passengers feel better, and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several
packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants.
Each crew member attached the package to his or her back.
"Say," spoke up an alert passenger, "aren't those parachutes?"
The pilot said they were.
The passenger went on, "But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?"
"There isn't," replied the pilot as the third engine exploded. "We're going to get help."
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Sorry - I lost the other 5 when I remade the pages ... I will find more to fill in this page when I can.
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